Hi! I'm Rorschach (aka Ror Ror), and I have been living with a human who goes by the name, Josh. (Yes, it's a boring name, but it's from before I adopted him.) I have spent the last few years of my life (all of it) watching my human give more attention to his computer than me, even though he claims to love me more than anything in the world. All humans are liars.
Anyway, here I am laying on my cheap brown couch watching him scribble notes on paper, talk to himself, stare at the computer, and get distracted in some ill-fated attempt to write his first blog post. As I watched this sad series of events continue to spiral down, I had an epiphany. Ah-ha! Here is a chance for me to spend some quality time with him by helping write this post!
At first, I tried telling him some ideas, but that fell on deaf ears. He never understands what I'm trying to say. (It's like we speak different languages or something.) Next, I tried walking on his keyboard to see if that would inspire him to type something. Unfortunately, that just caused him to sigh, lift me, and place me on the ground. Rude.
Eventually, he just gave up and passed out on the couch. By habit, I crawled onto his lap and snuggled. Then I realized he left his computer on! Now was my chance to show him that I can be helpful.
Begin Blog Post
Every day my human wakes up too late. I usually start meowing and pawing at his face hours before his alarm goes off. I hear humans hate alarms so I do my best to make sure he wakes up well before it goes off! I can tell he appreciates it because he pets me, pulls me under the covers, and cuddles me. (Editor's note: Josh here. I'm just trying to hold him tight so he'll stop putting his sharp claws inside my nostrils.)
Eventually, he wakes up, yells at Alexa to play The Used, and takes a shower. I usually sit between the shower curtains while he head bangs and washes. Sometimes he takes too long to shower so I give him a little nibble through the curtain to encourage him to get to work on time.
Most days, he leaves the house for work, but sometimes he stays home (my favorite). On the days he stays home, he gets on his computer and turns on the camera. I can see all of his coworkers pop up on the screen and start talking. I don't get to see many other humans, so I try to jump in front of the camera as much as possible! One time, I even encouraged the other humans to let their dogs and cats on camera too! That was pretty cool.
After that, he starts typing code and talking to himself for hours. He looks at Microsoft stuff a lot; I think that's similar to the microfiber blankets I like to lay on. They both have threads, after all.
Eventually, he eats lunch. I've learned to just leave him alone when he eats so he forgets I'm there. Once he leaves his unclean plate unattended, I strike! Nom nom.
He then goes back to typing code until the sun starts to fall. That's when cuddle time begins! We turn on YouTube, grab a blanket, and lay together. He'll pet me while reading articles, talking to people, and listening to "pod-cats". I'm not sure why he calls them "pod-cats"; it sounds like other humans talking about code, not cats. Whatever.
Eventually, we eat, get in bed, and snuggle to sleep.